Thing's Hallmark Don't Say... BUT SHOULD!

My tire was thumping

I thought it was flat...

When I looked more closely

I noticed your cat...

SORRY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you

How upset you must be

But don't fret over the break-up

She moved in with me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the Hell was I thinking?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day

To bad no one likes your husband

He's bad in bed

Has bad credit

No bank account

A Police record

3rd grade education

and unemployed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love

After having met you, I've changed my mind
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life

I never believed in Hell until I met you
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am

that you're not here to ruin it for me
................................................................

Congratulations on your promotion

Before you go...

Would you like to take the knife out my back?

You'll probably need it again

***************************************************************************

Happy Birthday, Cousin Uncle Dad

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday

You look great for your age...

Almost Lifelike

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me

Now that we've broken up...

I think it's time you kept your promise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have been friends for a very long time...

Let's say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm so miserable without you...

It's almost like you're here

=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...

Did you ever find out who the father was?
____________________________________________________

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...

So we're having you put to sleep.
*****************************************